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About a month or so ago, before leaving the office, two e-mails popped into my Inbox, one after the other.

The first was a letter of acceptance into an excellent Masters programme in the UK that I really wanted to pursue.
The second was a letter of rejection from the scholarship that would allow me to pursue my graduate studies.

The Universe works in really odd ways.  I knew from the start that it was a highly competitive scholarship, and I tried not to get my hopes up, but I was shortlisted, the interview went very well and I received a really good response from the panel. A week or so after the rejection letter, a lady from the interviewing panel came up to me at a conference I presented at to tell me it was a shame I did not get it.  I'm not sure what her intention was, but it did little to help; it just made me wonder what went wrong, and as I try and figure out after something shitty happens, what the lesson is here.  I still don't know.

Tomorrow's the last day for me to reply to the University offer. I simply do not have the funds to accept it, and it's just breaking my heart to click on "decline". I've tried to do it multiple times tonight, but each time I'm just frozen with sadness. Sigh. Obviously I'll have to do it. In the meantime, I'm just going to be sad for a bit on my LJ.

Being at University was such a glorious time. I'm itching to go back, immerse myself in lessons and reading; engage in discussions, challenge myself, expand my worldview, hone and develop new skills.

I guess now isn't the time. I hope that will come around soon.


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Oh, whispery, I'm so sorry. I wish there were other funding for you! I wish you could do it!

Can you reapply next year? Is there any way to tell the University why you aren't accepting?

Don't give up, love. Don't give up. This isn't over.

((big big hug))

Thanks, Muse. I was George Michael sad-walking around. Heh.

I'll try to speak to the Uni, but will also take a deep breath and keep looking around.

I'm not a giver-upper! I'm not a giver-upper! I need to... take a nap for a bit, and then move forward.

<3 <3

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